"Her husband worried that she might like the goat better than him, so he gave her a chair." -James Tate, from Memoir of the Hawk

A Fine Thing

Jalen kicked in my door and tackled me to the floor. Listen, this is for your own good he said, as he bonked me over the head with some sort of blunt object, knocking me unconscious. When I came to, I was tied to a chair, a lamp with horrible, artificial lighting blaring in my face. Silhouettes were talking to me. I recognized the voice of one to be Jalen’s. What were you up to yesterday Jalen said. Jalen, I was with you. We went to the movies I said. The two silhouettes whispered to one another. There is no Jalen, here the other shape said. Jalen, what is this all about I said. A matter of national security Jalen said. And I don’t know who Jalen is, but I’m not him. I shook my head and squinted my eyes. What we do know is that you’re Jason DeVries, and that you’re plotting against your very own country the other shape said. I continued to shake my head. My name was Quentin Turner, and I was an insurance salesman. Hardly any sort of threat to anyone. I don’t know who this Jason DeVries is, but I’m not him. I’m Quentin Turner, and I’m an insurance salesman I said. From another room, some loud cheering began. The two silhouettes shook hands and laughed. What I said. What’s going on. The light turned off, and I could recognize Jalen now, and somebody who I didn’t recognize. We’ve just had your confession, is all Jalen said. A group of people, all of whom I didn’t recognize, poured into the room, popping champagne bottles and wearing party hats. They looked like NASA employees from a 90’s movie. They untied me, and began cheering me on. Quentin Turner, insurance salesman, Quentin Turner, insurance salesman, Quentin Turner they cried. Jalen walked up to me, and whispered in my ear. You did a good thing, here he said. The NASA people put me on their shoulders, and gave me my own bottle of champagne to drink. Some had tears in their eyes. They were leading me to my execution.