"I am so afraid of myself that my afraidness scares you more than it." -Tao Lin, from You Are a Little Bit Happier than I Am

Maximum

I woke up in the morning in a funk, and I just couldn’t put my finger on it. I poured coffee into my cereal bowl and put my legs through the arms of my robe. All this, and on my only day off. Just…I said to myself, and trailed off, forgetting how any phrase went. I stared at my spectacles and couldn’t place any sort of use to them. My teeth felt as though they were shaking. My stomach felt like a clenched fist. My nose was clogged with something, my ears too, it felt like. My vision looked like through a screen. Andy. Andy people kept telling me, as I walked down the street, feeling the cold breeze cut right through me, and so not being sure if I actually was naked or not. My name was Carson, at least today. It was the only thing my mind could focus on. The pains in my body were throbbing with steadily increasing intensity and pressure. And, in an instant, it all passed. I looked down, and was relieved that I wasn’t nude, just dressed haphazardly. In front of me, a person I vaguely recognized stood. He was curling over, as if in some great pain. You’re Carson now Andy said, and hobbled off. It was a new day, a certain type of rebirth, and the air smelt like something I couldn’t quite place.